Sad

The wind blew, making my hair go haywire as the waves of the water below carried a small boat. In the hurry of the day I lost someone so precious, so wonderful, so cherished that my mind began to go wandering far into the blue-green ocean. I could not hear the gossip and chattering of the voices that surrounded me. All I saw was darkness, and I felt like I was drowning in untouched waters, gasping for air, screaming for help but no one can hear. And if I ever would make it out alive, no one will understand the pain, the amount of fear and terror I bore. No one will know how it feels to feel so weak that you think your soul is going to leave your body. Tears fell from my eyes but no one noticed them. They say they know how it feels, but do they? They say that they have your back but do they? Because if they did, where are they now when I needed them most? I stayed quiet the whole way back from the funeral location, my eyes were glossy. I moved and looked like I was hypnotized for the next following days at least that’s what they told me. They told me for a few days/weeks it will feel weird and depressing, the internet told me it would be like that for 6 months and after that, everything will go back to normal. Like with everything they were wrong. Normal? What is normal without the person you love with your whole heart? How normal is normal if a whole chunk of your life is missing? As I walked down the street, people would whisper, look at me in pity. But I ignored them. Usually in movies, this is the part where the person gives up on living and takes up bad habits but my life was not a movie. I would go through the motions of daily life and then at precisely 6 o’clock I would head to the beach and stare at the water. Just stare as memories flood my mind, how can someone I was hearing and interacting with just a few months ago disappear? I was mad, I was angry. How could the universe take something away from me that was more valuable than gold? Some days I felt weak and powerless, and others I felt like screaming and cursing at the top of my lungs. But no matter how I felt each day would end with me crying my heart out. I didn’t feel like smiling, eating, or going out with friends knowing that the person I thought would be with me forever was gone. I still lived though because many were relying on me like relied on the very person that drifted away from me. As time went on, I learned to live with this empty spot in my heart, I learned to laugh even though deep inside I was crying. I learned to be myself again without the person that kept me going. When people asked as they do, I would share our story. I am old now, my hair is gray, I am close to breathing my last breath, and I find comfort in this because soon I will meet the person I miss so deeply. Nothing is forever even sadness.